Where Is God – Part II

After an unsuccessful meeting with a one-sided love with Alizeh, Ayan is crying his heart out & then at the moment he meets, Saba, a widowed woman. Soon, after this, they fall in love & Ayan moved on from his previous relationship, or this is how he thought. Eventually moving back to his previous relationship, during the course of time. This is a scene from a popular movie in India. I also felt the same during one of my visits, but major ingredients missing like a good looking widowed woman & me being, extremely handsome.


Love is the most painful of the emotions among the all that we experience. But still we fancy being in love. The reason for that is the feeling that compliments love. Love will make you complete, happy, out of this world & every other emotion that is written, shown & explained in books, movies & poetry. It really does bring the best out of you. But, falling in love comes with sacrifices & compromises which anyone hardly takes into the account, but this is for later.


Coming from a middle-class background & with an inbuilt ambition to achieve something great in life. It is always difficult to balance things & also which part is important in life & which is not. Love is in a grey area for me. I want to have it, but I don’t want to have it also. But, teenage is a place where the blood is boiling hard & you don’t want to listen to anyone’s thoughts. In the midst of uncertainty, I jumped in the boat of love. To start with, the girl used to stay in a different city from where I stayed. So, it was going to be a long-distance for the longest time possible. But, who thinks like this, once in love, you can climb mountains, move air & can do all kinds of superhero stuff.


But, falling in love is not a hard thing to do, staying in love is tough. As love is not one-way street, it requires efforts from both individuals. Having a long-distance is tough. But, the tougher is the time to plan meetings. Now, people will say, what is so difficult in planning a meeting. So, the crux is, it is if the other person behaves as per her comfort. A year consists of 12 months, 365 days; eventually. Ideally, people plan a meeting each month. But, in my case, I restricted meeting to once in a quarter. But, the funny part is whenever I planned for a meeting, it was ruined by some factor or the other & my success rate of the meeting was around 20 to 25% of all the planned meetings. I was loyal, caring, attentive in the relationship; so why God didn’t allow me smooth sailing. For once it is ok, but canceling of plans consecutively for 3 or 4 times, rips your heart apart & you start wondering what have you done that you have been treated in such a way.


Here are the few of many times, I have been ditched at the last moment.

At one time, I booked tickets good 2 months before my traveling date. I informed her, that I will be there on that particular date & guess what, she got typhoid that week & I had to cancel my tickets at the last moment. This was among the first, last moment ditches I received.


Another time, like the previous time I booked the tickets in advance & informed her I will be there. But, as usual, God lightning struck again. This time her parents planned to visit out of India during those days. I used to wonder how come there is always something or the other to ruin my plans. How rare are the chances that people make plans on the same dates from the whole year? Is it some time coincidence or something else. But, I tried to get this over my head thinking it may be some coincidence or maybe pure bad luck.


So, like a warrior, I tried again, this time I booked my tickets a week before the meeting. Thinking all is planned & now no more rejections. But, every time I feel I am acting smartly I am beaten more badly. This time just before boarding my flight. I got a call & the voice from the other side said, “I am having anxiety attacks, don’t come.” I had packed my stuff & was about to leave & then this came. It was shattering to hear that sentence. So, again I looked to the sky & wondered, if is it for real or I am being dumb, or is it you playing all these games. What have I done that I have to be treated like this?

This was not all, there were many instances where I felt helpless & vulnerable & questioned myself for being in a relationship. Why is it so hard to get the same respect that you offer to someone else. But, this is how life is; it is not meant to be fair. For some, it will be a smooth ride & for some, it will be walking on thick muddy sand with kgs of weight tied to your ankle (tough & bruising). At this point, when you are lost in life, you hope for some help or some miracle. This is the point, where you can do anything to get help from God.


This was not all, there were many instances where I felt helpless & vulnerable & questioned myself for being in a relationship. Why is it so hard to get the same respect that you offer to someone else. But, this is how life is; it is not meant to be fair. For some, it will be a smooth ride & for some, it will be walking on thick muddy sand with kgs of weight tied to your ankle (tough & bruising). At this point, when you are lost in life, you hope for some help or some miracle. This is the point, where you can do anything to get help from God.

So, why one keeps on trying in love even after falling for an infinite number of times. The reason is within us, love gives us joy & the way we react is the main reason why we want to be in love. Anyway, after experiencing numerous failures, I prayed to God for something better or maybe to pull me out of this rug. It is situations of difficulty which bends you towards God. A supreme power which is meant to help you or so the world say. So, with tears in the eye & all hope lost I prayed to God for some opening or some bright light. As it must have happened with so many of you. I heard nothing. Absolute nothing.


Anyone who feels that God is there should talk to people who have fought through depression or are depressed. You want to hold on to that single thread of hope, but it is not so easy to overcome such dreaded position. Even after failing miserably previous times you wish to find the one & in today’s world, finding the one is as simple as swiping right. But, I must have been something else, as I hardly matched with anyone. The place where everyone is getting is something I am left stranded alone. Is it me who is the problem or there is something else.

When nothing is going well in life, your love life is next to null there is not much to hope for & I wonder if he is even there or it’s just creativity of our mind. You pleaded, shown aggression, done all sorts of a tantrum, but in reply, you only get a thunderous NO. It is tough to see why your voice is not being heard..




Sitting dejected around the corner you see a couple holding the hands & exchanging cute gestures & in that moment you wonder what had hit you so hard in your love life that you are deprived of all the lovy dovy things & suddenly a eureka struck my mind. That it is there & you have to find it. You have indeed failed zillion times, done & dusted another millions of times; still, there is hope. Some people have done the unexpected in love, people have traveled oceans to make someone special. Maybe it is not in your life but it is there. There is some power which gives you the strength to cross all the borders, limitations & give you the power to think impossible. This little sentence is enough to confirm there is some power entity above you. Not everyone is made equal & everyone receives the same love & affection. But, the hope that you can also get it is the biggest gift humans can ask for. This HOPE of finding something better, who values you & your thoughts is an undying one & this is where God lies. Nobody will be alive forever, but hope will travel far from your vision & this hope is where God stays that even after losing for zillions time you wait for that one victory.

Check out the previous version here. Where Is God – Part I


Where Is the God -1


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